I'm often asked what are the big keys to happiness. Well right at the top of the list is this: Stop beating up on yourself! So many of us are kind to everyone we meet yet can be fairly vicious in our thoughts toward ourselves. Can you relate?

To test how kind you are toward yourself, listen to your thoughts when you're learning something new or trying to improve an old, rusty skill. Are you encouraging and forgiving, or as mean as a playground bully? This will give you a snapshot of where you truly are on the self-criticism/compassion scale.

I got a clear picture of my place on that scale this week while playing golf for the first time in 14 years. Wow, what an interesting conversation my mind was having with me! I heard things like: I can't believe you're this bad. Why can't you hit the ball as well as he does? You are hopeless!

I first learned golf at age six when my father took me to the grassy area of our backyard and put a golf club in my hand. The club was bigger than I was! But it was fun and I loved every minute of it, even though I could barely connect with the ball.

As I got a little older though, those nasty, critical thoughts started racing through my mind, and by the time I was 12 or 13, I wanted to quit. It just wasn't fun to hear that litany of abuse. I started golfing again two or three times as an adult, only to quit again when those familiar thoughts drowned out any fun I was having.

So now it's time to test my progress. Will I quit again, or do I finally have the skills to deal with this tendency of my self-critical mind? I'm betting on the latter, and here's how I plan to do it:

Be loving with myself when having negative thoughts (and avoid adding another layer of criticism by not getting down on myself for having them!).
Gently redirect my attention to different thoughts-appreciating my progress, remembering that it's a game, and one I haven't played for a long time.
Rely on a good golf teacher/coach (fortunately, I have one) who will properly guide me and be a voice for the encouraging, compassionate thoughts.
Use the power of visualization to see and feel myself as the golfer I know I can be.
I am looking at this as a great exercise to develop the muscle of self-compassion and encouragement. So, the next time you find something you want to do, don't let your mind scare you off from having more fun in your life!